LINES ON THE GREAT MINCHINHAMPTON VEGETABLE DISASTER 2020
Alan Vaughan
(after Wm McGoonagall)
And oooohh, t’was in the year of twenty and twenty
When gardens and plots promised veggies aplenty
In early May the seeds were a sproutin’
There’ll aye be a glut in summer they were all shoutin’
The sun shone bright, t’was warm and cloudless
They were all sucked in ‘tis time to confess
Nae sign of cloches or whispy fleeces
Nae doot their world would soon be in pieces
In the night time of the twelfth of May
(Or was it the thirteenth?)
The hand of doom struck in a terrible way
The temperature in Fahrenheit and Centigrade
Dropped tae nought as the light did fade*
An Arctic gale came in frae the North
It blew and blew for all t’was worth.
The young wee shoots, freshly grown
Were battered, bent and over blown
Nae legume, nae marrow, nae spud did survive
By early next morn there was nothing alive
But whist a mo, lookee over there
Winter flowering purple sprouting broccoli was the only thing spared
The moral of this verse is very clear
Ne’er plant oot seedlings in the open in early May, always
lend an eye or ear
To the weather
forecast by Tomasz Schafernaker or the like on
TV, Radio,
Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Instagram, Zoom, Smartphone,
Claptrap, Smart speaker, Alexa or Local Media.
Ye ken of course and it’s widely known
That Zoom (and some others mentioned) disnae send weather forecasts out intae your home. (hame
actually but it disnae rhyme)
*In the case of Fahrenheit it was 32, but McGoonagall claims
artistic licence
Other facts may also have been altered for poetic purposes.
