Jack Frost on the Allotments

LINES ON THE GREAT MINCHINHAMPTON VEGETABLE DISASTER 2020

Alan Vaughan

(after Wm McGoonagall)

And oooohh, t’was in the year of twenty and twenty

When gardens and plots promised veggies aplenty

In early May the seeds were a sproutin’ 

There’ll aye be a glut in summer they were all shoutin’

The sun shone bright, t’was warm and cloudless

They were all sucked in ‘tis time to confess

Nae sign of cloches or whispy fleeces

Nae doot their world would soon be in pieces

In the night time of the twelfth of May

(Or was it the thirteenth?)

The hand of doom struck in a terrible way

The temperature in Fahrenheit and Centigrade

Dropped tae nought as the light did fade*

An Arctic gale came in frae the North

It blew and blew for all t’was worth.

The young wee shoots, freshly grown

Were battered, bent and over blown

Nae legume, nae marrow, nae spud did survive

By early next morn there was nothing alive

But whist a mo, lookee over there

Winter flowering purple sprouting broccoli  was the only thing spared

The moral of this verse is very clear

Ne’er plant oot seedlings in the open in early May, always
lend an eye or ear

To the  weather
forecast by Tomasz Schafernaker or the like on 
TV, Radio,

Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Instagram, Zoom, Smartphone,
Claptrap, Smart speaker, Alexa or Local Media.

Ye ken of course and it’s widely  known

That Zoom (and some others mentioned) disnae  send weather forecasts out intae your home. (hame
actually but it disnae rhyme)

*In the case of Fahrenheit it was 32, but McGoonagall claims
artistic licence

Other facts may also have been altered for poetic purposes.

1 thought on “Jack Frost on the Allotments”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *